A long time between drinks…

A long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a guy that blogged. This guy never sought attention nor did he blog to get followers. It was never an ego thing; he merely needed a means to vent the feelings and thoughts that followed him wherever he went. To begin with he-who-shall-probably-will-be-named was coming up with topics to write about faster then he could write them, a passion was sparked, a fire was lit and a new dawn had arrived. He felt like a new man with purpose and for a long time blogging was therapeutic and good for his ‘most-likely-has-one’ Soul. Eventually the novelty wore off for my dear friend and blogging soon became a real effort. As soon as the motivation went, the honeymoon period was over.

I’m sure you must have questions. Like, who am i? How do I know ForeverConflicted? What is the meaning of life? Why doesn’t Lady Gaga just commit herself? What is a question? Why do I ask questions? Is there any point to this? Are you trying to be innovative? I like pickle juice.

To be honest, the truth is…..*drumroll* OBVIOUS PLOT ‘TWIST’…I AM YOUR FATHER! ForeverConflicted is actually myself and let’s be honest; I had you all fooled O.o. ‘A long time between drinks’, it has been a while since I last blogged, june/july infact. To put it simply, I did infact lose the motivation to blog, it felt like too much of an effort and truth be told, the lack of followers did affect me.

To start with, I was just happy to write and share my personality with the world in an anonymous way and this was true for quite awhile. It was fun noticing that people were viewing my blogs from different countries, watching the view’s per page tick over…I felt like in some way that I was a bit famous and that I had a lot of virtual friends all over the world! It was a massive ego boost. It wasn’t too long until I started to become a self-conscious and the lack of followers was starting to get to me.

I started thinking to myself, “the lack of followers must mean that my blog isn’t any good or that “I am not interesting as a person”. All of a sudden, I was blogging for the wrong reasons!! It took me way to long to realise this and now that I have, I understand the true purpose of blogs. Blogs aren’t (or shouldn’t) be a popularity contest, nay I say! NAY!! Blogs give, for the most part, people a voice, mostly those whom otherwise might have trouble expressing it in other means (Darth Vader and Bane would be good candidates for blogs methinks…I mean seriously, who can understand those guys…”I am Bane and my voice never broke”).

In closing, my question to you *points finger dramatically at screen*: Why do you blog???

Peace out homies,

ForeverConflicted

My day at AVCON (anime and video games convention)

So a short time ago i arrived back home from Avcon (see title) and i miss it already. I feel lost, not really sure what i am gonna do for the next few weeks...i guess i will have uni and work but those two things are not typically what one would get enthused and excited over.

I went to my first AVCON event last year after missing out for many years beforehand. I decided to go as Goku from DragonballZ (super saiyan) and spent the moments beforehand worrying that my cosplay wasn't that good and i would look/feel like a fool. That changed the instant i arrived last year as soon as someone asked for my picture...i felt like i had found somewhere i belonged, even if it was only for a day or two. Excitement and that sense of peace are a rare thing for me so i truly value AVCON and the home that it provides those that otherwise keep there 'geeky'/'nerdy' interests private.

It was no different this year, well perhaps it was slightly. I had decided to book the whole weekend off for AVCON so i could get as much as possible out of the event. My goal was to do a bit of everything that was on offer and i like to think i achieved this goal. I sat in on a Video Game Reviewer's panel, i played alot of video games, had a look at all the various stalls and items that were on sale/offer, i went to the Madman National Cosplay competition, the Lolita fashion parade, saw some Anime (Gurren Lagann and UN-GO- both of which i recommend) amongst other things!

There's two things i LOVE about AVCON, 1. People making you feel awesome by asking for photo and appreciating what you have done and 2. Seeing the effort and enthusiasm that people have in getting into the spirit of AVCON, especially those who dress up in character. Now, im not much of an expert on Anime so there is alot of characters i won't list here however there was still so many memorable characters. There was: Bane, batman, the legoman, Mimi (digimon), Lara Croft, Fang, Goku, Vegeta, Gumby, MasterChief, Iron Man, War Machine, The Hulk, A deathnote, Sailor Moon and the other Sailor girls, Lolita girls, Dr Who amongst MANY others. I think i took something like 175 photos and can't wait to upload them to facebook sometime in the near future!

The only lowlight was that it didn't go on forever. In some sense, we were all one huge family, there just to have a good time with one another and im sure many people made new friends throughout the event. I just want to say a huge thankyou to everyone who had a hand in making AVCON what it was, the organisers, staff, the volunteers, the stall/booth operators, the special guests and most importantly everyone who attended the event itself....THANKYOU :)

PS on the saturday i went as Goku and on the Sunday i went as a Wraith from Stargate Atlantis (the special effects Makeup done by a good friend of mine, please check out her facebook page and support her like she supported me Tiffany Dean- MakeUp extroadinaire). Pics will be posted to her page in good time

ForeverConflicted

Im back!!.....for now.

So i had just seen 'The Dark Knight Rises' with my brother and a few friends and was energized and motivated to make the most of the rest of the day, i was in a great mood as i often am after coming out of an amazing film (albeit not perfect). I had to head into the city to see a friend but before i had left my brother mentioned that a mutual friend of ours had pulled out of the open mic cabaret night, at our local library/cultural centre and wasn't too happy about it.

As a big brother i could of just done the immature thing and laughed and walked away but no, almost without hesitating i said "that's not fair on you, i will get up on stage and do something as well". Two hours later in the city it suddenly hit "HOLY CRAP WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!" and then it dawned upon me that i haven't done any stand up comedy since our local Fringe Festival (back in march) and i had basically no time to prepare. The Fringe performances were possibly the 2 worst (relatively) i have ever done so needless to say, the time between this realisation and the time that i got home was spent stressing, worrying and having horrible nightmare/flashbacks of those days in March (possibly slightly over dramatic ;) ).

I had been tempted to go back to open mic night comedy but that was a different venue, i had a couple of jokes written but hadn't prepared or rehearsed them at all, my heart was thumping louder then a bass guitar soloist at a packed out concert!! I rock up to the night and after practicing, memorising and editing on the way to the event i was feeling a little better and ready to rock the mic!

Now, it must be said that i thought all of my jokes were great material, i thought i was sure to get alot of laughs....oh how wrong i was! I had somehow subconsciously assumed that the crowd would be the same as that of the Comedy Club where i had performed many times before...i was soooooooooooooooooo wrong!!! The crowd was probably for the majority more suited to lawn bowls then my edgy, revolutionary style of comedy ;) ...i was in shock. I was editing my material until the very moment my name was called up and i nervously made my way up to the microphone.

I should point out that i thought my material was gold, absolute gold. The instant my opening line/joke didn't get a reaction i knew i was in trouble and had to work to get some laughs which i think i did get in the end. I didn't get the reaction from the crowd that i was hoping for but that was to be expected. I was nervous throughout the performance and it probably showed on some occasions. The biggest laughs were when i said  "Cmon people, this is comedy gold, give me something!". I barely made it through my last joke, one about Xena the Warrior princess (just imagine doing her high pitched and loud 'alalalalalalala' voice) but i got through it. I was highly critical of my performance but in the end i was proud i got up there and gave it a crack after so long out of the game.

ForeverConflicted

My night with The Viennas

So i've just got home after a night out supporting a friend from work and his band 'The Vienna's' and im still buzzing, im still feeling the massive amount of love that came from the gig. The venue, The Jade Monkey, was packed from the moment we got there, full within moments of the doors being open...you could tell with the amount of people there it was going to be a special night. I had never even heard of the Jade Monkey until recently and im glad that i experienced it before it is closed down. In short it is a really funky venue, it was like a whole bunch of furniture and fittings that don't belong coming to together to construct a masterpiece, something kinda like an abstract painting.

The support act got up on stage and were great, they warmed the crowd and prepared us for the piece-de-resistance, The Vienna's. Before the first note had been played, before the first lyric had been sung everyone was on their feet, at attention, ready to give the love to the guys on their big night. This was 'The Viennas' first ep launch so it was a huge night for them and personally, it was great to see so much support in the room. They had everyone swaying to the same beat, had everyone moving to the same rhythm from the moment they obliterated the silence. Looking around from time to time, i saw a lot of smiles directed at the stage, alot of 'toe tapping' and a lot of pride. This was their big night and they delivered. There were even tears towards the end as they thanked everyone for coming along, they fully appreciated us as we did with them and their sound.

THANKS FOR A GREAT NIGHT!! :)

The Vienna's fb page :)

Good things happen to good people

Or do they? Whenever im feeling down, a bit 'over it all', or can't see the light at the end of the tunnel this is one of the most popular pieces of advice that i am given. Good things happen to good people. I often give this advice to people who appear to be in a situation similar situation and often i give up this advice/comforting thought without really hesitating yet i seem to 'believe' in it's truth. I have just a couple of points id like to explore...

1. What are 'good things' exactly? A person may be going through hardship but considered to be a 'good' person and someone tells them that good things will happen for them as long as they stay true to their 'good' nature. However technically finding a $5 note could be considered a good thing...yet does this make up for the tough times one goes through?

2. What does 'good' in good people mean? Does it mean someone who is altruistic and acts out of the interests of others? Or does it refer to someone who appears to act out of the best interests of others but in fact is selfish? Does it refer to simply a feeling someone has when evaluating a person? What makes someone 'good'?

Your serve,
ForeverConflicted

Given up Alcohol!

As of writing this im 3 days sober, not huge but it's a positive step in the right direction.

I went out a couple of days ago to a nightclub that had a retro/school disco theme for the night. The music was old school, the bass was deep and the girls were hot, everyone was having a good time. The plan for the night was to (with a friend) simply to have a good time but also to go up and talk to a few girls, just to help with the fear of rejection i am working on. For the most part, the night was great for the reasons mentioned above, i actually had the best time i think i could of given the circumstances. Even though i left it late, i did go and up talked to a couple of groups of girls and i felt good about that...night was a success in that regard. However, when i was making my way home it hit me hard, i was hiding behind alot of excuses.

I noticed that the friend i was out with used alcohol as a reason not to get on the dancefloor where the action with and not to talk to the many girls that were around us. He didn't even try and i assume it was because he was self conscious to the point where drinking provided a much needed 'comfort'. I felt sorry for him, to allow the fear of rejection to get to that point is sad. Combined with the relatively high amount of money i spent on alcohol that night, it forced me to ask myself the question: Why do i drink?

The following points came up when i considered whether or not i should cut alcohol out of my life.

1. I never feel the need or desire to drink, i only do so to 'fit in socially'

2. It's really easy to go through money when drinking and id prefer to save

3. I don't particularly enjoy the taste

4. more often then not i will feel worse off 

5. I get the same buzz, that people get from drinking, from the music/atmosphere/dancefloor

Conclusion: I don't need alcohol and id be better off without it

Join me on my journey to conquer this enemy. Id also like to hear about your efforts or thoughts about alcohol in general :)

ForeverConflicted

My personal challenge...

Today is going to mark my most successful attempt yet. Once and for all i am going to remove women from the pedestal that i have them on at the moment and conquer my fear of rejection. Watch this space because within 4 months i will be dating the girl of my dreams. It's time to grow up!